(now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

In our sweaty, no-air conditioning classroom, The Frey plays in the background and the kids enjoy their weekly reward of “marble time.” I sit and marvel my present circumstance. Three months into this position, I am still convinced that I have the best job in the world. So many things have happened this week…. one student was brought to tears as we talked about the Virginia Tech tradgedy (which in turn brought me to tears), I had the esteemed privilege of introducing them to The Beatles (whom the majority had never heard of), and after a serious lecture on not talking during my instruction, I was able to turn things around by making them loosen up again with my bark-like-a-dog impression. This is my second home– a room with great big windows that expose a world of healthy green trees and more hope than any adult could fathom; a space that fills with 5th graders every weekday at percisely 8:30. They wait, hands folded, waiting for my first word and whether I am prepared or not–they trust me. I am their shepard, and although I feel at times like I am hearding a million untamed cats, I am pround to call them mine. Their smiles lift my tired head, their enthusiasm gives my life purpose.

As I walk the halls, I walk proudly among Kings.

May today there be peace within.  

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be .   

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.  

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.  

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.  Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.  

It is there for each and every one of us. 

“You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.” Kahlil Gibran

We have nothing to fear and a great deal to learn
from trees, that vigorous and pacific tribe which
without stint produces strengthening essences for
us, soothing balms, and in whose gracious company
we spend so many cool, silent and intimate hours.

-   Marcel Proust, Pleasures and Regrets, 1896

Everyday spent in this classroom is the turning of another page. It is impossible to say how good teaching makes me feel. I love inspiring kids, particularly, MY kids, classroom 7, because I think they’re the best.

And I’ve learned, teachers need recess too. And by recess I mean we need to play jump-rope more often. Yesterday during second recess I was about to take a trip down the hall to the lounge to put my feet up, but as I passed the playground I realized that I could no longer remember the joy of double dutch. There is a reason why kids laugh and play  at reccess.. it’s because they’re having fun. And yesterday, as Ally and Mitchell turned the ropes for me, and I jumped in the middle and tried my darndest to keep up, I felt a free release unlike any other.

As it typically goes with mission trips, how the missionary feels, in the end, far more blessed than the missioned, it is the same with the teacher and the taught. I simply do not deserve to be here. I am blessed beyond comparison, learning things from 5th graders that add to my life a depth of understanding I never thought I’d grasp…

As adults, children teach us to be more literal (somehow we’ve unraveled the ability within ourselves throughout the years). We learn from young ones, the way I did this week, that truths like Matthew 17:20 are much more powerful when they’re taken literally.  

Thank you God for recall, reflection and learning from the unexpected experts of our time.

Class after a long day’s work is so hard. Perhaps the hardest thing I have ever done in my life (and I do it five times a week) is wake up at 5:45, sit in traffic, work until 4:00, sit in traffic on my way home (except I am not going home), only to get to school and try to be alert for the next five hours. Everyday, I rely on some small mind game to get me through. Like tonight I slipped off my sandals and put my feet up on the chair next to me. No doubt some of the other students were grossed out and maybe a little annoyed at me taking up so much space— but I HAD to. There was no way around it. I needed to think “ah, how nice, it’s like I am sitting home watching TV,” except it was school and I was listening to my Human Diversity teacher make sexist remarks. 

A little bitter and drained? Obviously. But the thought of some of the other students in my classes– some with three kids, a husband, a mortage, debt, bills, an entire house to clean (as opposed to a 20 x 20 foot space in a small apartment) makes me see my greif for what it really is: whinning.

Having come full circle I am left with this: I’m young, single, capable;  now is simply the time.

I love when I do my hair big. Boys don’t like it; which makes me like it even more.

In the middle of my lesson on adding fractions with like denominators, a timid little third grader appears at the back :::very aware that she is in big-kid territory::: She presents me with a bright yellow paper. I take it, and with a rush of relief she bolts out the door. I tell the kids to begin in their practice book as I steal away to my desk to read my mystery note. Inside, written in black ink and surrounded by smiley faces, is the best thing I’ve heard all week:  

“Do not let your peace depend on the hearts of men; whatever they say about you, good or bad, you are not because of another man, for as you are, you are.”

                                                                                 Thomas a Kempis

Thank you to the people who encourage me, not with compliments, but with truth.

realizing today that a single heart breaks in pieces, and those pieces crumble further, until its such a gritty mess that we have no choice but to come to God; hands full and extended with evidence of pain, begging for him to do some kind of miracle so we can remember our whole selves again.

Today I decided to have a little tea time while the kids were away at Spanish. The sun’s coming in just right (is it the blinds positioned most perfectly, or this incredible weather that can’t help but show itself to the indoors? I don’t know, but what’s happening is glorious). I pull ee Cummings out of my bag; the trick that gets me through most Fridays. At this point in the week I am desperate for solitude… longing for something that goes on easy… aching for exhale. Well, today weekend rehab came early. Cummings and I had a tea date, and amidst my steaming derjeeling, the white-yellow light, and the most perfectly chosen words you ever read, 

I found rest.  

i have found what you are like

        i have found what you are like

        the rain,

                (Who feathers frightened fields

        with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields

        easily the pale club of the wind

        and swirled justly souls of flower strike

        the air in utterable coolness

        deeds of green thrilling light

                                      with thinned

        newfragile yellows

                          lurch and.press

        -in the woods

                     which

                          stutter

                                 and

                                    sing

        And the coolness of your smile is

        stirringofbirds between my arms;but

        i should rather than anything

        have(almost when hugeness will shut

        quietly)almost,

                       your kiss